Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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