she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
