We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
