Small penises have feelings too.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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