I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
