We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
