Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
