We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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