What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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