Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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