Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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