Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I smell stomach acid.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think i have two assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize