is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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