based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
