highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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