I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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