she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
