hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
