Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
