Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
