I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
