How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
