What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
someone owes me an orgasm
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
