You can't special order awesome
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
