A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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