why didn't you poke me back
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My ass is underappreciated
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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