i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
