I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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