Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
