I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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