I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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