he looks like a really good dad on facebook
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
