He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
