so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
