...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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