i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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