we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
