well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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