She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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