My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
