so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize