I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
