I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
