He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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