Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
