i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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