so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
