I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
