Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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