the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize