My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
