okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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