miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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