Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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