Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
