This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm bleeding and have questions
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
