Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
