shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
