Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
