Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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