6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
