Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
