Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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