it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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