Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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