My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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