just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
