Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
